I suck at blogging

I suck.

I know I do.

No excuses--I just suck.

But I'm here now. So, hello, and happy 2013!

Hope you guys are all well. We are fine, trucking along happily. We are still homeless (kind of) as the house won't be finished for another month or two, but we are doing fine in our tiny little apartment. The thing I miss most is having a kitchen. I never thought I'd be aching to cook a proper dinner on an actual stove, but here I am, doing just that. Pining for a kitchen. It's truly a sad thing.

The kiddos are well. Sissy is back at school as of Monday. Having to get up early has been a bit of a shock to her system--she had gotten used to the sleeping in bit of the holidays pretty quickly. The boys are fabulous.  My Christian has been rocking his therapy sessions and is doing so well. I am immensely proud of him, and grateful to his therapists. Miss Juliana and Miss Lynda--you ladies rock! Daniel is amazing. Because he is with Christian for Kindergarten every day and so gets 2/1 attention, he has picked up on everything, and despite being 4, he is way ahead of where he would be for pre-k. Miss Becky, you rock for helping my boys every day, and loving them so much.

I have been bad about writing all round this holiday season. With two trips to Africa (hi guys--it was amazing to see you and I miss you all) and the general rush of the holidays and prepping for a big trial, the writing was sadly minimal. Yes--again, I agree, I suck.

But I'm back at it (and not just in this blog post), to the great joy of my writing partner (Hi Margaret, and sorry that I suck so much.)  :-)

And now, I must go write, so I can suck less.
Happy new year guys!

NanoWriMo Anyone?

So it's almost November again.
For most that means falling leaves, pumpkin flavored everything and Thanksgiving. For some though, it means NanoWriMo is here again!

I participate every year. I have never won.

I want to win.

This year, I'm not sure I will participate. I have so much going on. Moving. Therapy practically every day for middle kiddo. Legal work, and writing with my writing partner.

But, I'm dying to rewrite my first novel into something saleable. I love the story. But honestly, I didn't do it justice the first time round. I didn't have the craft of writing down then. I think if I rewrote it entirely--not just moved bits around, I could do the story justice. And I'm so, so tempted to do it for Nanowrimo.

The whole bit--replotting the story arc, the character arcs, and then beginning it all over again.

I want to do it so much. But I'm a bit intimidated by everything else going on. NanoWriMo is hard. And it never seems like my life is quite empty enough to have the necessary time. Don't get me wrong--I love that my life is full.

I guess what Im getting at is I didn't have enough time last year, or the year before and I won't have enough time this year or the year after.

What counts is sitting down and doing what you can. Even if it makes you a loser.

So, NanoWrimo anyone?

I think I'll do it, and will post my progress here on my blog.

Why not?

Reading Kicks

Does anyone else go on reading kicks--you know, where you read lots and lots of one particular genre of book in a short period of time?

I do, and right now I'm on a Regency Romance kick. Perhaps its because I'm currently enmeshed in writing a contemporary romance, editing another,  just finished a post apocalyptic piece and am working on an urban fantasy that's definitely modern in scope. Or perhaps its because I cut my teeth on Barbara Cartland and Georgette Heyer.

Regardless, I do love a good regency romp.

And a friend (Anna Campbell) who writes historical noir romance (not something I'd ever come across before but man, she rocks it) was celebrating having not one, but two of her books on amazon's bestsellers for Regency Romance. Of course, I went to check it out, and ended up leaving with 6--count them 6 books on my kindle that were not there before. Happily  most of them were on sale, so I could justify picking that many up. http://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/books/746228/ref=pd_zg_hrsr_b_2_3_last

I know, you're welcome. I had to share the wealth.

So the latest Regency I read was Secrets of a Wedding Night by Valerie Bowman. It was cute, funny, and had quite a few of the traditional tropes in there that the author riffed on. I enjoyed it--enough that I'll be getting the next one when it comes out.

But picking my favorite regency is impossible. I cannot even pick my favorite regency author--there are just too many amazing ones to pick just one. Or ten. Seriously. I couldn't narrow it down to ten, which makes me think I might be ripe for an intervention.

In which case, I'll move the focus over to you. What is your favorite regency? Or are you like me, where you couldn't possibly pick just one?

Cheating on your WIP

I don't know about other writers out there (perhaps I should do a poll) but sometimes I feel like I'm cheating on my work in progress.

It goes like this:

I begin with an idea. Its a fun idea, an exciting idea, an idea that makes me smile, that makes my heart go thump. I love the idea, so much, that I commit.

I sit down with the idea, and plan. I improve the idea, I try turning it into something more. A story.

I commit further, actually putting time in, and writing an opening scene. By now, i'm in love. I think I've never had a better idea.

So I write another scene and another. But sooner or later, somewhere down the road, I lose that obsession. I still love the idea, but not with a burning passion. I'm aware of its flaws by now. Its no longer this shining ideal of a thing I place on a pedestal at the beginning of the process.

I keep working at it, plugging along. I love it, but I'm not In Love with it.

And then another idea comes along. And this one, well, it really is the ideal I think it is--I'm sure of it. So I cheat. I don't abandon my first idea. I still work with it, advancing the story, continuing to commit to it with every new scene.

But--I have a story on the side. One I'm In Love with--at least for the time being.

This happens over and over until...I end up where I am right now, working on 4 stories actively, and have one story set aside for the time being.

I do think that its helpful to me, to have several stories going at once. It gives me a break when necessary. And lets face it--thinking of your story as a shining ideal when you first write it is a bad choice. Because it's going to need lots or rewriting and edits before it shines. That's the nature of writing, and having multiple projects allows me to give the WIP the time it needs to sit, so I can look at it objectively.

Does anyone else cheat on their WIPs?
Does it help or hinder your story telling?

Reading for a Great Cause

Whenever I see a way to help raise awareness for Autism and acceptance for people on the spectrum, I help if I can. Having a child with Autism, I see the necessity for raising awareness on a daily basis, in people's reactions to my son, in the lack of accommodations available to allow him to participate in many of the activities available to normally developing kids, in the sheer financial cost of meeting his basic medical and social needs.

Its a big undertaking.
Our family is lucky enough to be in a better financial position than some, and for many people out there, they simply cannot get their children the therapies they need.

Parents of kids with Autism struggle.

Families with autistic members struggle.

We struggle with the depth of emotional courage you have to have to just keep at it when nothing you do seems to help your struggling child.

We hurt when people are unkind to our kids, when they don't understand or care to understand that this is a person, trying to connect the only way they know how.

We struggle when our kids become overwhelmed because of their sensory issues and strike out, or melt down sobbing, sometimes for hours and sometimes multiple times a day. We struggle with the symptoms of the other frequent co-morbidity diagnoses stemming from being on the spectrum--ADD, OCD, Anxiety, Sensory Processing Disorder.

Loving a person with Autism is overwhelmingly easy to do.
But helping them navigate their world is difficult and takes an immense amount of love, patience, support and knowledge.

That's where Autism Speaks comes in. They provide support in the form of information, advocacy, resource guides and a multitude of other things. This is a good organization, doing good work helping families cope with the demands of Autism.

So when I saw this anthology, I just had to pick it up, and then to share.

http://www.entangledpublishing.com/love-knows-no-bounds/

Three stories from Entangled Publishing, for sale for $2.99 on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. All profits go to Autism Speaks.

What a wonderful excuse to add to my library.
And if you want to help, and love to read, consider picking one up.
It's reading for a great cause--what could be better?

Confessions

Okay, So I have a confession. I'm writing a story with a partner--someone who I've written two other (very good if I do say so myself) stories with that are currently out on submission--and its my turn to write.

I'm a little intimidated by the scene--I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say it's supposed to be a very hot sex scene. I don't generally write very hot, and so I'm procrastinating.

Yep, again.

So, I've made a deal. I'll write a blog post, then I'll do some free writing from my character's point of view, and then I'll write the scene.  Yes--I often make these kinds of deals with myself--something to allow me to put off what I want to avoid doing for a little while by doing something else useful, but with a commitment to actually getting what I need to done at the end of the set period of time.

The funny thing is I don't often renege--never that I can remember really, so it works for me.

So, blog post first. Ta dah!

Then free writing. I find it useful to help sink myself into the character with free writing when approaching a difficult scene. For me, it helps me find my opening spot. If I don't free write when approaching a difficult scene, I usually just end up writing myself into the character's point of view and the correct opening spot, then have to go back and cut everything in the first few pages. And once it's in--cutting is difficult for me to do. I manage, but its always painful. Hence the free writing--when I approach it knowing none of what I write is going into the manuscript, it helps me get where I need to be more quickly and with less angst.

I'm all about less angst.

So, I'm going to go write in a minute. But I wanted to do a quick update first.

Scrivener:
Okay, I can see why everyone raves about this program.

I'm still learning my way around it (if anyone gets it and needs an overview, youtube has some fabulous tutorials to help you get up and running) but it seems like a very useful tool--particularly when it comes time for editing.

If you (like I do) break your story line up into acts as well as chapters and scenes, the Scrivener program really works well for that. Edits-wise, the feature I've liked best so far is the ability to take small chunks of text and move them around easily in your story to tweak the flow of the story.

I've been trying to edit my first manuscript that's been sitting in a drawer for a few years now. I love the story, but the arc and writing both reflect that its was my first attempt. After reading it through, and importing the pieces into Scrivener, I decided that the story just needs a complete rewrite, but using Scrivener in the evaluation process really helped me decide where the arc needs changing. I've also been using it with my work in progress (the one-third complete urban fantasy) and I've really liked the ease of building my acts, chapters and scenes using the Scrivener tools.

So, Scrivener gets a thumbs up from me. I think it is well worth the asking price and am happy I got it.

Neurofeedback:
Kiddo went in on Thursday. It was very interesting to watch the way Neurofeedback works in practice. I'd done the research, read the clinical papers, and had looked at comments/blog posts written by other people who'd tried it first, but the mechanics had eluded me. It is really interesting to watch how the brain corrects its waves to produce a particular result.

The therapist was encouraging about the session and how kiddo did, and we will be going back again this week. Of course, its way too soon to report on any kind of results. But we have hope that perhaps it will help kiddo with some of his difficulties, and if it does--it will be well worth the time, money and effort we put into making the therapy happen. I am trying not to be too hopeful, because if it doesn't work out I want to limit my disappointment.

We do a QEEG this next week, to give ups a baseline on brain waves and what his brain looks like, and then  we'll start sessions in earnest. wish us luck.

Jury's still out on Neurofeedback.

And now, good people, I'm running off to write, just like I said I would. Hope you guys all have a wonderful week.

Trying New Things: Neurofeedback? Scrivener?

Here it is, mid-September. It's the time of year that I always find myself wanting to start fresh. The weather is finally cooling to bearable--crisp mornings, toasty days, cool evenings--it's perfect.

I want to overhaul myself, my life, my--well, everything.

It's a sickness. I know.

And knowing that, this year I'm approaching the urge to toss it all out and start anew with a healthy dose of caution.

So here it is.

As you guys know, my middle kid is on the Autism spectrum. I've been researching therapies that might help him with some of the difficulties that go along with being on the spectrum, and came across Neurofeedback. Now, at first glance it honestly seems a bit like voodoo. Playing video games with your mind? And this helps what?

But in looking at the research and the information out there, the consensus seems to be that this is a viable therapy for many people. So we've found a certified, reputable therapist in Neurofeedback and we're taking kiddo for a trial run. Fingers crossed that it helps him. I'll post on this once we've gotten underway and I have something to say.

Secondly, Scrivener. I've been playing with the idea of purchasing Scrivener to help with the writing/rewriting process. And since I'm itching to make changes, I have gone ahead and made the leap. As of today, I'm a proud owner of the Scrivener for Windows platform. I'm playing with it, and once I've gained some proficiency with it I'll post about that as well.

For  now, I'll sign off and enjoy being self satisfied that I am curbing my sometimes destructive tendencies to demand huge change constantly.

Who knows--if I keep up the minimize change thing long enough we may get to the point where we only move once ever three years or so.

In the meantime, enjoy the crisp weather!

I've Been Everywhere Man, I've Been Everywhere

Okay, so not everywhere.

But it certainly feels that way. In the last two months I've visited New Mexico, Utah, Colorado (can you say Durango/Silverton Narrow Gauge Rail?) Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, Washington, Oregon, California, Arizona, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida.

I've ridden on rails,

I've seen the Grand Canyon,

visited Moab desert,

been to Yellowstone,

enjoyed the wonderful town of Helena, hiked in Glacier National Park,

swam in the rivers in Yosemite,

saw my brand new nephew in Oklahoma (and wrecked my car), spent a week broken down in Pensacola Florida (hey, there are worse places to break down), was horrified by the number of drug addicts and squirrels fighting for space in downtown Mobile Al, and spent a week in DisneyWorld.

I did all this with my peeps, my family. Hubby, myself, the three kiddos, my brother, my mom for part of the time, and my sister in law for part of the time.

We had a total blast. We traveled in an RV for the most part. And by the end, we were a bit tired. Of the road, the small spaces, of each other.

But it was great. As in I know my kids better for the trip. I feel closer to my family because of the trip. And that's a good thing, because we aren't getting any more space any time soon.

Yep. We're moving again. Or more correctly, we have moved again. The place we were at just didn't have any good options for middle kid. There wasn't an ABA therapy provider within a 2 hour drive, and he needs therapy multiple times a week. And I've said everything about the schools there that I'm going to say. So all five of us are in a 400 square foot apartment in central Texas right now. But, school wise, this seems like the best place for us to be.

We're looking for a place to buy, but until then we're going to be in close quarters. Its okay though. After the last two months, we can handle it.  So wish us luck, and productive house hunting.

And Again With The Refrain

I'm a bad, bad blogger.

I know it. You know it. We all know it.

Oh well. I guess it's something I'll have to just accept.

I haven't posted in ages. I can't really say why. Maybe I've been so swamped I just haven't had anything left to share. It happens.

So, quick catch up:
I quit my full time job as a prosecutor a few weeks ago. A lot of you guys who follow my blog (or did before I quit posting) know that Middle Kid has been struggling since he was  just under 3 years old. We've tried and tried to help him, and to make things easier for him, but it's been an uphill battle for us and for him. We've suspected Autism for a while now. 


He's in pre-K at the local public school and had gotten to the point where he'd try to make himself sick every morning so I wouldn't take him to school. He hated going that much, but with his communication issues, we could never figure out why. He'd just say, "School bad, teacher bad."


Then we found finger mark bruises on his upper arms. I quit my job, made a police report, and took him out of school.


He's been much happier since. I don't know who, but someone was being mean to him at school. We've been trying to find a good way forward. Part of doing that was to get a formal evaluation, because without a diagnosis we couldn't make the school system give him things we know he'll need to succeed in kindergarten.  He was evaluated on Thursday by a team of child development professionals after being on a wait list for over 3 months. 


The verdict was what we expected it was. He's on the spectrum. One test came back as straight Autism, the other placed him on the spectrum but not quite in straight Autism territory.  Either way he is high functioning (average or above average intelligence), but he has a multitude of problems (beyond his communication issues) we're going to have to help him face. 


Even though I expected it, having my fears for him realized pretty much crushed me. 


Don't get me wrong. He's a beautiful, loving, super smart kid. But having the diagnosis confirmed my fear that he's going to have a long struggle ahead of him. I'm afraid for him. Already, I see the trouble he has connecting with other kids socially. I see how they withdraw from him almost immediately, even without any overt misbehavior. It seems almost instinctive. Every time it happens, I hurt for him. And I know it isn't going to get easier with time. 


I'm hopeful too. With a diagnosis, we can have access to therapy. There has been a lot of buzz about how well ABA therapy works for Autistic kids.  Speech Therapy, which he's been in for over a year now has worked wonders. And there are other therapies and interventions we can access as well. 


So. I miss work. But I'm glad I have the flexibility all the therapy is going to require. I'm still working part time as an attorney from home. Funnily enough, I make more working part time for myself than I did working full time for the State. Sad, but true. Regardless, prosecuting was never about the money for me. It was the utility. The knowledge that if I didn't show up for work, it mattered.  I guess I still have that. But now it's my kid at stake. That makes it scarier. 


Writing wise, I've been working on my "The Pass" manuscript. It's the first in a projected series of urban fantasy novels set in El Paso Texas. I'm loving the story, even when it comes hard. I also co-wrote a novella with a friend. Its a romantic comedy kind of novella--fun, quirky and fast paced. We're sending it out into the harsh world at the end of the month. I also have plans to re-work If careful Doesn't Cut It. I love the story and don't want to give up on it, but I do want to fix some plot and structure issues. So, I'm planning to take it apart and put it all back together again. 


I'm so glad I have writing and books in my life. They help me refocus, and relax when everything seems like more than I can handle. 


So hi again guys. 
Sorry it's been a while. 
But I'm glad to be back. 

Countdown To NaNoWriMo

It's almost here!

As always, NaNoWriMo comes at the worst possible time to sit down and write. And as always, I say screw it, I'm doing this.

And this time, I WILL be a winner darn it. You see, I have a secret weapon up my sleeve this time. Its a plan.

 Literally.

This time, I am going to plan out what my novel will be BEFORE I sit down to write. I will figure out it's structure. The plot points, the pinch points, the beginning and the end.

Now, you may be thinking, what is all this will? If she hasn't done it by now, odds are it aint gonna happen.

You have good reason for your doubts my friends, but keep in mind, I have two more days. I will get the planning done, as soon as I quit blogging. I swear!

Good luck fellow NaNoWrimo-ers. And if you need a buddy to cheer you on, look me up. My handle is MerissaJ.

Change is Hard

I know. Profound, right?
Change is Hard.
I imagine you're thinking, "tell me something I don't know, Captain Obvious."

But I think acknowledging that change is hard takes away some of the power of that adverisity. As in--yes, change is hard, but sometimes we have to change.  Sometimes we have to grow. To break bad habits and replace them with better ones. To let go, and live in the now.  Maybe to not let go quite so much, and to be more responsible.

I don't know what it is about the Fall, but it always seems to make me want to be better. To lose weight, to be more concientous about my exercise, my sleep, my health, my writing, my work. It makes me want to be this shining, ideal of a person.

Unfortunately, by the time Christmas rolls around, I'm back to enjoying the pecan pie on the couch, thinking about exercising/working/writing. Because--say it with me--"Change is Hard."

So how to make changes stick? You got me. I haven't managed yet.

What am I trying this year?
The stick of peer pressure and the carrot of loose clothing.
Bring it on baby!

Check back with me around Christmas. Maybe this time, by Christmas I'll be the shining ideal of a person I keep seeing evey Fall. And if not--well, at least there'll be Pecan Pie.

And a couch. Come on over and have a seat.

NANOWRIMO Prep?

So I signed up for NANOWRIMO 2011 today. I signed up for NANOWRIMO 2010 last year and was a total loser. But this year, this year will be different my friends! I will be a winner, no, a champion of NANOWRIMO!

No seriously. I will.

Quit laughing. I can hear you, you know.

You see, I have a plan.
     Step One: Sign Up.
     Completed!! See--I'm suceeding already!

     Step Two: Plan out my novel.
     I'm totally going to do this. Stop laughing. You'll see.

     Step Three: Write. A lot.
     Again, I'm Totally going to do this.

     Step Four: Win, and flaunt my amazing winningness to all.
     That's right. You'll be sorry you doubted me. This is my year to win, and I'm not going to be sparing with the I told you so-s.

My NANOWRIMO handle is MerissaJ for all you fellow NANOWRIMOers who want another writing buddy this year. A winning writing buddy that is.

Books On Writing

I was looking for an i pad charger yesterday evening. I didn't find the charger, which surprised me not one bit.  I never find what I'm looking for, but often I find something else that I've mislaid.
(pic borrowed from Amazon)

That's right--I found my lost copy of On Writing by Stephen King.

I love this book. I've read and re-read it, but thought I'd lost in in one of our moves. I can't tell you how excited I was to discover it tucked away in our guest room closet.

Do you guys have a favorite book on writing? My favorties would be Stephen King's On Writing, and Donald Maass' Fire in the Fiction. Both are just wonderful.

Guess what I'll be doing this weekend?

Kindle--3rd Time's a Charm

So I had a birthday a week or two ago.

I've hit the age where birthdays are to be celebrated only when they belong to my kids.  I feel old and decrepit enough--I don't need any more birthdays thank you. Of course, as it has been pointed out to me, the alternative isn't so great either. So, for the past couple years I've done my best to ignore the birthday on the assumption that if I don't bother it, it won't bother me.

But this birthday I got a Kindle. It came from my mother in law. I had no idea she even knew what a Kindle was. But apparently she knew that I knew what a Kindle was, and that I liked them. So the sweet lady went to best buy and had them sell her one, along with a wonderful cover with a built-in light.

If you read my blog, you'll know that this is my third kindle.  My first I dropped and broke the screen. Amazon said it was covered by warranty (really?? okay!!) and replaced it with my second kindle. Which I ran over. With my car.  I was too shamefaced to call and see whether that too, by some insane reason, was covered by warranty. Instead I decided to go back to paper as the only thing I could be trusted with.

So, I'm sure you can guess that I was pretty happy about the Kindle #3.  I stroked it lovingly, placed it snug in its cover, and tested the really amazing built-in light.

My new kindle doesn't have 3g. My other two did. Its not really a problem--but I have to connect to a wireless hotspot to download. Anywhere other than Del Rio or the back side of Alaska, I doubt this would make a significant difference. For me it does, but I can live without the instant connectivity. I'm just excited to have my kindle format books back and available to me again.

Thanks mother in law--it was a wonderful gift and I love it and I use it every day. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

For anyone out there is looking to buy a Kindle, I've had both kinds now, and I think its worth it to spring for the 3g version, unless you live somewhere where the entire town is a hotspot.

Agree? Disagree? That's what the comments are for.

First Day of School--Fall is Coming!

It's still sweltering here in Del Rio Texas. The temps regularly hit 102, or 103. I step outside the airconditioned building and immediately break out in a sweat. Its so hot that if I hop in the car wearing a skirt or shorts and I sit on the leather seats, I have to put a towel down or literally risk burning my legs. Blister burning--not, ouch--that's uncomfortable burning. Trust me--you don't want blisters on the back of your thighs. Not cool--excuse the pun.

But I feel fine. Because today is the first day of school. My oldest just went to her first day of kindergarten. My second just went to his first day of pre-k. They were adorable in their matching uniforms, scrubbed clean with shiny, excited faces; my little girl in pigtails.

I'm as excited as they are that school has begun. It means Fall is coming, with bright crisp days and cool evenings when I can open the window and not need to have the airconditioner run all night long. When I can step outside and not break into an immediate sweat. When I can put my anti-burn car towel away until next summer.

Can you tell that Fall is my favorite season? I'm anticipating its coming--not patiently, but with all the excitement cool evenings, Halloween, and Thanksgiving can bring.

Bring it on--I'm ready.

Procrastination, and Simplifying Life

Well, its Thursday and I haven't posted my blog yet. 

Yes, I am a procrastinator.

I make excuses for the trait:

I'm super busy, I have too many responsibilities, there isn't enough time in the day.

It's actually true, but everyone else faces these same things. They manage to get their stuff done, and do it without scrambling right before the deadline. Their cars are clean, they don't pay late fees on their movies or utility bills. Their kids are shiny clean, hair brushed, shoelaces tied. They plan stuff in advance, and get ready for it all before hand. They decide to do stuff, and then, they ACTUALLY DO IT.
They don't procrastinate.

I want that to be me, but it never is. I always end up leaving the house late, and if my kids are shiny clean with brushed hair you can bet I'm lucky to have brushed teeth and two matching shoes. Makeup? Ha! Don't make me laugh. Breakfast? Maybe, at my desk at work--if I get to sit down before I have to be in court.

So. I want to be a nonprocrastinator.

I want to be that person who interviews her police officers on the upcoming trial way BEFORE the Friday before trial. Who has her voir dire mapped out weeks in advance. Who has a case theory weeks before that.

I want to be that person who pays her bills BEFORE time, not right before the deadline, while muttering to herself about the mailbox rule's application to utility bills.

I want to be that person who gets to bed on time, and gets up early enough to actually apply makeup before dragging the kids out of bed, getting them ready and leaving the house.

I want to be that person who gets to work on time, and leaves work on time, instead of getting caught up in whatever she's working on and then rushing to pick up her kids before the daycare gives them away.

I want to be that person who finishes the edits she's been promising herself she will do instead of letting them slide because she has more to do than she can ever hope to get done.

So how? How do those people, those nonprocrastinators do it? Were they born that way? How do I sign up for that?

I really don't know, but I'd like to. I think I'll have to research it and see. But it's gonna have to be the week after next--I have a trial to prepare for today. And the deadline is looming--Monday is showtime.

Sigh. If anyone out there is a successfully reformed procrastinator, help me out.
Give me a good place to start.
I'd be eternally grateful.

The "Bad Guys"

This has been a crazy couple weeks.

I work as a felony prosecutor in Texas.

So, I see a lot of "Bad Guys," as my kids call them.
With most defendants, I can look past the stuff they've done and see the person behind. I often still send the person behind to the pen, but even so, usually I can see the person behind, and sometimes I feel sorry for them.

But every once in a while you come across someone who has done something so terrible, so evil, it eclipses the person behind the act. They lose all status as a person who made a bad choice. They become, in the minds of anyone who knows what they've done, evil. Maybe it's a defense mechanisim we use to distance ourselves from someone who has done unspeakable things. Or who knows, maybe that act really does make a person so evil that there is nothing defining left about that person except the evil they chose.

This past week, I saw evil. I will not burden anyone else with details of that evil, even second hand. But, it wasn't bad choices, or acts of frustration, or lack of choice or insanity. It was pure, chosen, deliberate, uncomprehendable evil. And like evil does, it tortured and destroyed the helpless, the innocent.

Dealing with evil makes me exhausted, and somewhat hopeless. Every time I think surely there could not possibly be another living person as depraved. Then, I get proof that there is.

It makes me angry, and it makes me afraid for the children I have brought into this world, who are helpless and innocent right now. I desperately want to shield them from ever having to face evil. Always, even when they're grown, and no longer helpless or innocent.

So, to avoid dwelling on gruesome details, on the flashes of horror that play in my head after a brush with evil, I try to intellectualize it. Make it acedemic.

Which means I now have a debate going with myself. Which is more effective as an antagonist in fiction? The person who makes bad choices, who you can understand even when you disapprove of their acts? Or the person who has chosen to do such evil things that they are what they do--simply, incomprehendably, evil. The reader cannot identify with them as anything but the big bad.

And finally, is evil contagious? Does it spread? It doesn't usually in fiction. But in life? I'm not so sure.

Great YA

Friday evening, after running a Grand Jury all day, I got home. My phone had died at some point during the day, and I was running late.

DH, who HATES it when I'm late and he cant reach me (mostly because he's decided about five minutes after i'm officially late that I have been run over, stabbed, shot, pepper sprayed and/or beaten by one of the defendants I sent to prison) was cranky when I got home.

I'll spare you the converation, but the upshot was: Please remember to plug in your phone dammit, and by the way, we are going to Houston.

I was at this point in my evening, collapsed on the bed, shoes and all, trying to decide if I had energy enough to drag myself to the shower. Houston, if you are wondering, is a good seven hour drive from the bed upon which I was collapsed.


I groaned. I summoned enough energy to snag the pillow beside me and put it on my head, the better with which to block out the insane travel plans DH was expounding on.

Then he pulled out the "well, you'd have known about this is you plugged in your phone once in a while."

Followed up with "And I booked a hotel in San Antonio on the riverwalk, so lets go. We can eat out and have some drinks and the kids are at my mom's so lets not waste a perfectly kid free evening."

Well folks, we don't live near family, so we don't often have babysitters. So I drug myself to a sitting position and mumbled feebly about packing. I was informed that he had already packed a bag for me (EEK!!) and all I needed to do was get back in the car.

A cup of coffee,  and an hour later I was pulled together enough to yet again form a coherent sentence, and by the time we got to San Antonio, I was ready to have some fun.

We did (60oz margarita anyone?) and when we reached Houston the next day we did some work. Then we went to Barnes and Noble, where I finally picked up the Maze Runner. I'd heard about it and opened it to look at and never stopped reading. I had to have it. So I bought it. And read it through. Twice.

Which made me want to blog about dystopian-ish YA.  I am a re-reader. I recently re-read the fabulous Harry Potter series for the 6th or 7th time. I've read the Hunger Games trilogy at least four times through. I recently read new author Elana Johnson's Possession, and have just devoured James Dasher's Maze Runner.

Each was a wonderful example of great writing, engaging storylines and characters to care about. I know I'll be re-reading these books for years to come. Finding some more wonderful YA to add to my re-reading roster always makes me feel like I've accomplished something great. Just not as great at the wonderful authors who wrote the books.

STUPOR MAN, the STUPOR HERO!

So my youngest kiddo is three. And being three, he says a lot of things I think are funny, athough he often misses the joke.

For instance--he is very into super heroes right now. Super man, batman, spider man; these are Gods to my child. He worships them, along with the Super Why cast, and my husband (who he has also decided is a super hero because he fights bad guys and puts them in grown up time out--aka jail.)

I, of course, do the exact same thing as hubby, but am not classified in the super hero category, for reasons I haven't yet figured out.

Perhaps mommys are separate and apart from the rules that otherwise govern the classisfication of superheros. Or it could be that he's penalizing me for snorting with laughter every time he brings up his favorite subject--super heros.

I'd be sadder about this, except for one small factor.

The kid cannot say super.

So...Spiderman, Batman and hubby are all--wait for it--stupor heros.

Superman?

Not in my household. Thats right--we have Stupor man.

This probably shouldn't bring me joy. But it's just so funny. Every time I hear him say Stupor man, this is what I see:

Stupor man...missing criminal acts everywhere.

Snort.

He'd rescue folks--if he weren't in such a stupor.

Okay, I know I'm juvenile. But it cracks me up!

I think I'm good with not being a stupor hero. I'm addicted to caffine already. Who knows what I'd need to get me going if I was classified as stupor woman....

Mourning my Kindle--Again

So, DH got me a shiny new Kindle some months ago.

So, so pretty.
And I loved it. I adored it. I wanted to pet it and call it George.

Did I mention how pretty it was?
And light?
That it fit in my purse?
And that I could get brand new books without getting out of my pajamas?

I could read it in court, while waiting for jury roll call, and in the hallway while waiting on grand jury deliberations, and in the car on my way to our outer counties (when I wasn't driving of course).

I could read it at lunch (Doritos from the vending machine) when we didn't have enough time between hearings to actually LEAVE the court house.

I could read it in bed, and (carefully) in the bathtub. I could hold a kid in my lap and peer round his/her head to read and change pages with my thumb.

I loved my Kindle.

Then I dropped it.
The screen broke.
 

I mourned.

Oh, how I mourned.

Then I went onto the facebook kindle page and posted a question on where to get a broken screen fixed. After sufferring through lots of catcalls and fun making--apparently a mourning kindle breaker is impossible to resist making fun of, a kind soul advised me to call Kindle and they'd take care of me.

So I did.

And you know what? They did.

They said dropping your Kindle was covered by the warranty. Yeah--I kid you not.

Amazon sent me a beautiful new Kindle, gratis.

I promptly named it Merissa's second Kindle, and transferred all my books, all the while feeling great love for Amazon and the new free replacement Kindle and praising both to anyone who would listen.

Kindle #2 and I got along very well. It was just as wonderful as Kindle #1, but with the added advantage of an unbroken screen.

But last week, while trying to get somewhere (home) I set my purse on top of my hood, and proceeded to get all three of my (under five) rugrats in their carseats as usual. I snapped them in, defended myself from accusations of making the five point harness too tight, handed them the appropriate toys and water bottles, hopped in my car and put it in drive.

The purse (with gasp--Kindle inside) came off the hood of the car and hit the street.

And I'm pretty sure that I ran over it, because my poor, poor kindle is broken again.

I'm not just talking a broken screen. Its bent, like a giant with its attendant giant behind sat on it. And yes--the screen doesn't work any more either.

I'm pretty sure the Kindle warranty doesn't cover what I've done to the poor thing.

So now I have to decide.

I've broken two kindles in 6 months.

Can I afford another?

At least when I drop a paper book into the bathtub (yes--that has happened more times than I care to count, but dang it--the best reading time I've ever had was in a bathtub) it's a five or six dollar hit. I drop the kindle (or run it over) and its a $190 hit.

So far I haven't replaced it. But I really want to.